The {Idiot's} Guide to Driving in Dallas.

I commute about 27 miles each way to and from work three to five days a week. And the days I don't go to work, I'm in the car for 2-3 hours making sales calls. That commute may not sound like it's very far, but it can take anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and 25 minutes. Traffic in Dallas is crazy, and this small-town Missouri girl is Just.About.Fed.Up.

1. Please use your turn signal. Around here, so few people do, you tend to assume that if the car in front of you has their turn signal on, it must be a factory defect in the blinker...not the driver actually signaling their intentions.

2. Texting and driving is NOT OK! Please please please at least wait until you are at a red light to send that imperative text. (Newlywed Hubby is guilty of this. He's an exceptional driver though, so I let it slide).

3. I had a good friend in high school who drove an old manual transmission Jeep Cherokee. She could shift gears, change socks, eat a doughnut, talk on her cell phone, change the radio station, and drink a Coke ALL at the same time. I was terrified of getting in a car with her, or being anywhere within a 5 mile radius of her while she was behind the wheel. Please don't be like her.

4. Do not pull out in front of me and then s-l-o-w down. I will get pissed, bang on my steering wheel, and have to mash on the brakes because of your inconsiderate actions. My car's a lease, please don't force me to abuse it so.

5. If I can hear your music with my windows rolled up, you have it turned up too loud. I'm telling you this because I care about you and the fact that you will be deaf by the age of 30. And I really don't like your music anyway.

6. If you're in the fast lane going the speed limit or slower...move over!

7. BUCKLE YOUR KIDS UP! I don't care if you stupidly endanger your own life, but please care enough about your children to ensure their safety. If you don't know how to install a child's carseat, go here. I saw a lady in a minivan sitting at a red light the other day...with a toddler standing up between the two front seats! That's right, no seat belt, no car seat - she wasn't even holding on to the little guy! If I was a police officer (which I would never be, because I have such a grudge against them for giving me tickets for no reason), I would take her to jail immediately!

8. If there is an accident on the other side of the freeway, for heaven's sake, don't be one of those people who slow down to stare at it! You will just cause an accident on our side of the freeway, and then I'll be late. Instead, try saying a little prayer for the people on the other side of the freeway, and keep your eyes on the road!

By the way, I currently drive this:

But I'm {seriously, not kidding} considering this as my next vehicle.