1 Year Anniversary!

No, not that anniversary! I'm talking about my 1 year anniversary at my job, which happens to be tomorrow!

I've had several jobs since graduate school, beginning with a dull and pointless inside sales job.
The second job was selling luxury cars, then next I ventured into a job in consulting at a Big 4 accounting firm. The consulting position was possibly was the most miserable of my {fairly short} tenure in the "working world", and taught me a lot of valuable lessons about myself and others.

In honor of my 1 year anniversary, I decided to write two open letters - one to my previous boss at the accounting firm, and one to my current boss.

Without further ado:

Letter #1

Dear Boss at the Big 4 Accounting Firm:
Well, if talking down to people, belittling others, and scapegoating your junior employees is the way to get to the top...then buddy, you're on the fast track!

I'm glad I made a ton of money on that car I sold you (Yeah, you're not very good at interest rates, are you?), because that's pretty much the only positive thing I got out of meeting you.

Thank you for sweet talking me into taking a position at your firm by telling me that I was brilliant and would be an asset to your company. However, turning on me 2 weeks after I started and telling me that I was stupid and slow was probably not the best way to start our working relationship.

The accounting firm we worked for is a great company, and I still think their reputation of being one of the 100 Best Companies for Women to Work For is true. Just not women in your department. You seem to view everything through a pair of glasses with chauvinistic lenses, and making women (and some men) cry by yelling at them also seems to be a common occurrence for you. (By the way, if you think I don't know about that girl who sued because of your cruel conduct - I do).

I was totally honest about my skillsets, strengths, and abilities all throughout my interview process. If you wanted a mathmatician - I was not the right choice. I can't add 8+10 without taking my socks off so I can count fingers and toes. Probably sending me to a foreign country with 7 guys I'd never met to review expatriate tax returns for 12 hours a day in a conference room that smelled like feet wasn't the best decision either - given the fact I've never even done my own taxes.

Enforcing mandatory happy hour and deliberately calling out people (like me) that you felt weren't participating with appropriate enthusiasm (ie: drinking heavily) is hardly ethical conduct. Also, yelling at me until I cried out of frustration, making me apologize to people when I'd done nothing wrong, and blaming me for things I had no control over/hadn't been involved in was probably fun for you. Not so much for me.

Oh, and by the way - you're a pervert.

Signed,
Your much happier former employee.

LETTER #2

Dear Boss at my current job,
You're always cracking a joke, and I can count on one hand the number of times you've had a bad day since I started working for you over a year ago.

You protect me from your boss and any other flack that seems to fly in our department's direction. That's pretty awesome, although I'm insisting that you start letting me help you with that. No reason to shoulder all that crap yourself.

By the way, introducing me to my husband was pretty freakin' cool. Not many people can say their boss introduced them to their future spouse. And you've known him for 17 years, which gave me great peace of mind that he was actually the amazingly wonderful man that he seemed to be. The fact that we all work in the same field (and sort of for the same company) is a ton of fun :)

We both agree Corona is superior to all domestic beers. Tequila is our friend. And your unwavering love of Jimmy Buffett is impressive.

You and your wife set a wonderful example of a great marriage for Newlywed Husband and I. You are kind and dedicated to her and your children, and I give you great praise for that.

By the way, I don't intend to quit when Newlywed Husband and I get pregnant someday, so don't worry about trying to find a replacement anytime soon. You wouldn't be able to find someone who would have as much fun at work, or talk in a funny muppet voice anyway.

You rock.

Your very happy employee.